Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ
There are no stupid questions! Sex and Health issues are often confusing and nonintuitive, and it can be difficult to find an accurate answer. Search through this FAQ and feel free to check out the Mail Call tab to submit any questions you have to The Crew
Basics
What is Sex?
“I’d define sex as anything one or more people can do to evoke or satisfy erotic feelings, and we can define ‘erotic’ as that which makes you feel sexual desire and/or arousal. This definition of sex allows for masturbation (‘solo sex’), erotic experiences that two people can share including oral, manual (with hands), and intercourse (‘partner sex’).” says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, founder of the Center for Sex & Culture, and author of THE Sex and Pleasure Book.
So “sex” really isn’t simply defined as sticking a penis into a vagnia. Sex is anything that makes someone feel erotic.
Why does sex feel good?
“Our brains and endocrine systems are what create emotions, like being in love, which are one part of how sex feels," says Heather Corinna, author of S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College and founder of sex education site Scarleteen. "The brain and central nervous system are also responsible for sexual responses like orgasm: during sexual pleasure, all the nerve endings of your body (including your genitals, all linked to your nervous system) are in concert and communication with your brain, and vice-versa. Without everything going on in our brains, we wouldn’t have any interest in sex at all, nor find sex anything of interest. It's also important to note that not everyone is neurotypical, so on top of all the other ways we vary, all our nervous systems don't work in exactly the same way."
How Do I have sex? How do I have “good” sex?
“It depends on what kind of sex you want to have! But if you are referring to intercourse, where one person inserts a body part into an orifice of another, the first thing you need is a partner who wants to do the same thing with you,” says Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, founder of the Center for Sex & Culture, and author of THE Sex and Pleasure Book.
“Good” sex is all sex based in enthusiastic, free and informed consent. To have good sex with another person you need to establish good communication and make sure all parties involved can have their Risk Reduction needs met in any sexual interaction.
How can I feel less self-conscious when I have sex?
Rupaul says “If you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Basically, the foundation of fostering a satisfying sexual encounter is based in loving yourself and welcoming your desires. In America we are constantly surrounded by capitalist messages telling us “You’re not good enough! Not until you buy THIS!” It is really easy to have your confidence undermined by the constant bombardment of advertisements or Hollywood expectations of the “perfect body”. You may read an article on “10 Ways to Please Your Man” and find yourself thinking “Wow, I don’t do any of that. Is my partner unpleased?”. When you start thinking this ask yourself, “Is this trying to sell me satisfaction?”. Trust me, the only people who like themselves are those who have made the conscious effort to like themselves. There is no easy way to feel confident in your own skin, it takes work. And so does feeling confident in your desires. Often people will think “Well if I do this sex act, that is a reflection on the type of person I am”. Remember, all sex based in consent is good sex.
Sometimes I cry when I orgasm/have sex, is this normal?
Crying does not always mean you are sad or that you have triggered yourself. Orgasms are intense! Pleasure is simply the brain processing stimulation the nerve endings. When this pleasure spikes the brain floods the body with neurochemicals and sends messages to the genitals resulting in orgasm.
This flood of chemicals and messages can sometimes result in other extreme bodily reactions, which may include crying. Just be kind to yourself and breathe through it. Communicate with your partner(s) and let them know what you need (even if it is is space because you feel embarrassed, that is okay).
If you are really worried about it practice masturbating in the same style of stimulation that triggers the crying. Often with practice can adjust the side-effects of intense orgasms.
How can I have a sex dream? Why do I have sex dreams?
Lauri Loewenberg, professional dream analyst and author of Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life, says there are two ways to have a sex dream: “Obsess about it and whom you'd like to do it with all day! We tend to dream about what is on our mind the most so if you occupy your mind all day, you are more likely to have a sex dream that night.” According to Loewenberg, the second way to do this is to ovulate.
Dr. Steven J. Hanley, a psychologist well-versed in the psychoanalytic understanding of dreams: “Dreams are extremely difficult to study scientifically. We know a fair bit about the brain activity and dreams during the sleep cycle. We know much less — almost nothing — about the actual content of dreams. One theory views dreams as a set of symbolic and disguised images representing psychological conflicts and wishes. What one dream means to one person can mean something different to another. There is no evidence that one dream image, like sexual intercourse, has the same meaning for all.”
How many calories does sex burn?
“The number of calories burned depends on a number of factors including: your body weight, how long sex lasts, and how vigorous it is,” says Dr. Constance Young, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center. “Best assumption would be that if you are drenched in sweat and totally exhausted after an hour of sex you could assume you have burned the calorie equivalent of an hour of Zumba or kickboxing.”
Do my genitals look “normal”?
Many folks are concerned if their genitals aesthetics are “normal”. Something to remember: THERE IS NO NORMAL! Genitals, like all other body parts, look different on everyone. Some people have long labia, some people have dark colored genitals, some people have a large clitoris.
Often people will compare their genitals to the ones they have seen in Porn. Remember Porn films are filmed on a set, they often include makeup and special lights. Additionally Porn films are cast with a certain genital style in mind, a style that is easy to shoot on film. Just because your genitals do not look like the top Porn Star’s does not mean you do not have attractive genitals. Just like just because the rest of your body does not look like some Red Carpet Star’s body does not mean that you aren’t desirable and worthy of value.
How do I find the G-spot?
The G-spot is the colloquial term given to the Gräfenberg spot. The G-spot is not actually one spot, it is a cluster of nerves located inside the vagina. To stimulate the G-spot you first need to find yours.
If you take your 4 finger of one hand and place them below your belly button, and place the other 4 fingers of your other other hand above your clitoris then the G-spot will be located somewhere inside the vagan canal in the inside wall (the wall with your belly-button) somewhere between your hands (most likely closer to your lover hand). Most g-spots are located ¼ to 2 inches up the vaganal canal. The G-spot nerve-cluster has a somewhat spongy resistance and a rougher texture (similar to the room of your mouth) that you can actually feel with your fingers when inserted into the vagina.
Most people enjoy pressure on the spot, and even though a shaft is the right shape to impregnate someone it may not get them off. Something with a gentle curve and some ability to provide resistance or pressure will stimulate most G-spots. The simple solution is finger in a “come-hither” motion inserted into the vagina and flexing toward the belly button while applying pressure directly to the G-spot. You can also use a dildo or vibrator with a curve (vibrators are a great option to apply stimulation directly to the G-spot).
G-spot orgasms are different than clitoral orgasms because G-spot orgams are internal while clit-based orgasms are external. Most people find that they take longer to have internal orgasms, so be patient.
Where is the clitoris?
The clitoris (or “clit”) is on the front of the vulva (external part of the vagina) at the top of the vulva. To better understand the placement make a “V” with your pointer and middle finger, and now tuck your thumb in the crook of the “V”. In this hand vagina your thumb would be the clit. The clitoris is covered with a “hood” (much like a foreskin on a penis) and therefore it is only fully exposed when aroused.
It can be challenging to see your own clit. If you want to explore it then take a hand mirror into a well-lit, private place and use the mirror to inspect your clitoris.
I have fluids coming out my vagina when I have sex, am I peeing?
Unlikely. More likely you are experiencing female ejaculation or “squirting” from G-spot stimulation. Medically it is “the expulsion of fluid by the paraurethral ducts through and around the human female urethra during or before an orgasm. The exact source and nature of the fluid continue to be a topic of debate among medical professionals.” What we do know is the fluid comes from around the bladder, but it isn’t urine.
Most female people are capable of squirting but it often takes practice and extensive G-spot stimulation to achieve female-ejaculation orgasm
I’m not having fluids come out of my vagnina, what is wrong?
For vaginas to produce to natural fluids a person needs to be stimulated. Many folks find they have different lubrication needs in different stages of their life, and that without proper lubrication, pleasurable sensations may be replaced by discomfort and irritation. While the vagina does produce natural lubrication with sexual stimulation, the amount of lubrication can vary from person to person. Personal lubrication can also be affected by many factors including age, stress, pregnancy, or even medication. Some people choose to use additional water or silicone based lube.
How can I get my partner to orgasm?
Communication and Practice. I know that is not a helpful answer but it is the truth. If your partner has a way they can get themselves to orgasm then have them demonstrate it for you. This will give you a better understanding of what kind of stimulation or how long they need to orgasm. Do they have a toy they like to use? Can they teach you how to use it the way they like? Bam! You can make them orgasm!
How do I have (or give) a female ejaculation orgasm?
Most female people are capable of squirting but it can be challenging to figure out how. It takes proper lubrication and extensive G-spot stimulation to achieve female ejaculation. Many people find a heavy dildo is helpful, the weight will give a very present feel without girth. Something with a gentle curve and some ability to provide resistance or pressure will stimulate most G-spots. Use the toy in a rocking motion and attempt to achieve more than one G-spot orgasm.
Some people feel like they are going to pee. If you are worried about peeing, it is unlikely you are going to pee, but you can always practice by masturbating in the tub or shower (this way if you do have an accident, then clean up will be easy).
Just practice, practice, practice and if you need inspiration get a Porn DVD focused on squirting (I suggest anything starting Jiz Lee) and try and follow along.
How do I find the P-Spot?
Male-bodied folks have a prostate (or P-spot), it is a gland surrounding the neck of the bladder that releasing prostatic fluid. This gland is also filled with nerves that, when stimulated, will result in orgasm.
The P-spot is reached through the anus and is located on the interior side of the perineum (the area between the testicals and anus, also known as the “taint” - ‘cause it ‘taint your balls and it ‘taint your ass). It is possible to stimulate the P-spot to the point of orgasm by externally applying pressure to the perineum. Other people will stimulate the P-spot directly by inserting a finger (or anal-safe toy) one to two inches into the rectum toward the scrotum. The P-spot is firm and round-ish, sized between an almond and a chestnut. Applying pressure directly to the P-spot in a “come-hither” motion (flexing toward the belly button) will often result in orgasm. The resulting orgasm will be an internal orgasm and much like a g-spot orgam this is a very different sensation than an external orgasm.
P-spot orgasms are different than penis-based orgasms because P-spot orgams are internal while penis-based orgasms are external. Most people find that they take longer to have internal orgasms, so be patient
Do prostate orgasms decrease the risk of prostate cancer?
New research indicates that prostate stimulation and orgasm (also known as “prostate milking”) can decrease your chance of getting prostate cancer (and when it comes to a choice between cancer and orgasms, that is an easy one!)
What is the average penis size?
Lifestyle Condoms’ research concluded what most other research has concluded. Penis length is on a bell curve with a vast majority (over 80%) of males falling into the range of 4 to 5.5 in and only a few outliers on the larger or smaller ends.
Does race determine penis size?
Many people insist race has something to do with penis size. Here’s the facts folks: Race has NO relation to penis size! One more time... Penis size is not related to race. There have actually been a large number of studies done on this (both flaccid and erect) and no correlation has been made, ever! This anatomical racism has many roots.
What determines penis size?
The short answer is, we don’t know. There have also been studies trying to corelate penil size to race or body-type specifics (comparing shoe sizes, weight, and height) and there has not been any replicable data with this research.
There are even identical twins whose genitalia are not exactly the same. This leads folks to conclude that penis size is a mixture of genetics, environment, and puberty (genitals change a lot during the hormone changes that come with puberty).
Does penis size matter?
I guess I would need to answer your question with a question: I don't know, does it matter to you? From an anatomic standpoint a finger is able to get many folks (penis-havers and vagina-havers) to orgasm and keep in mind there are paraplegics who are amazing lovers, so this really is a question that is more based in personal preference then anatomical requirements.
Another big issue (no pun intended) is the fact that big penises are en vogue right now, that is to say they are trendy. There have been times in history where small penises and testicals have been popular. For example in Ancient Greece large genitalia on a man implied he was “animalistic” or non-intellectual, versus small genitalia which implied intelligence and control.
How do I kiss someone on the lips?
First off, make sure the person you are kissing has consented to being kissed. If you feel awkward saying “May I kiss you?”, it may not be the right moment. Trust me, if you are both feeling it and you ask first, it will be HOT not awkward!
A tip, you don’t need a lot of spit! Lean in, tilt your head (in the opposite direction of your kissing partner - that is the challenging part), close your eyes (or don’t), touch lips. You’re kissing!
Do I need to douche before anal sex?
Many folks think you need to douche or have an enema before anal sex but that is not the case, in fact this is more likely to loosen stool which is what many folks are trying to avoid.
Therefore I define douching as its own sexual act outside of anal intercourse. You can do it if you want to, but it is not required for “clean” anal play.
Most people just shower before anal intercourse or use warm water and toilet paper (avoid strong, scented soaps and harsh scrubbing because it can irritate your anus). If you are worried about poop then you can always have your anal intercourse in the shower where cleanup is easy. Dental Dams are an easy clean-up options for analingus.
What is “Pegging”?
When a straight male-bodied person is analy stimulated by a woman with a dildo it is called "pegging" . This term became the winning entry in a contest in Dan Savage's "Savage Love" sex advice column, held after an observation was made that there was no common name for the act. And remember an act does not an identity make. So don’t worry taking it up the butt doesn’t make you gay.
Pleasure
How do I get my partner to have anal sex?
So here are the facts: Most people participate in anal sex and enjoy the sensation. Now with that said, keep in mind that MOST people’s initial approach to anal sex is often overzealous and may have resulted in pain so it is normal to feel hesitant to participate in anal sex. Additionally: YOU CAN’T MAKE YOUR PARTNER DO ANYTHING! The best thing to do is discuss your desire and set-up the situation for success. There are three basic rules of Butt Play: Lube, lube and MORE LUBE! Use twice as much lubricant as you think you should, then use twice as much MORE! Pressure is normal, discomfort during adjustment to insertion is normal. But pain is your body telling you that you need to adjust your position or re-apply lubricant. Remember sailors, “practice makes perfect” so feel free to analy masterbate.
How do I have simultaneous orgasms with my partner? / How can my partner and I cum at the same time?
Communication and Practice. I know that is not a helpful answer but it is the truth. All parties involved need to know their orgams cycle VERY well and be able to communicate how close they are to orgasm.
The hardest part of this endeavor is comparing how long it takes everyone involved to orgasm and what the difference between everyone is. Next you will need to do enough foreplay focused on the person(s) who take longer to orgasm to try and make up the difference.
Is this is a project you are working towards practice by mutually mastubating so you can better understand eachother’s cycles and you can all practice adjusting your cycles to match.
How do I get my partner to try new things?
The foundation of fostering a satisfying sexual encounter is based in loving yourself and welcoming your desires. If there is something you are very interested in trying then find a safe and comfortable place where you can discuss your desires and their reaction. You may be surprised that they are interested in your desire and sharing their own!
What is the difference between “Sex”, “Gender”, “Sexualtiy”, “Orientation” and “Identity”?
Sex is a biological term (“Male” & “Female”). Often it is more accurate to use the term Male Bodied (Primary Sex Characteristics: has penis and no breasts) and Female Bodied (Primary Sex Characteristics: has vagina and breasts). Or to be even more specifice, just refer to the body part you mean to discuss. (Ex: “Penis Haver” or “Vagina Haver”)
Gender is a social term (“Man” & “Woman” - some cultures have more). Gender is often focused on Secondary Sexual Characteristics, Gender Roles (Social expectational/“norms” related to behavior and status), symbols and acts.
Sexuality/Orientation is related to who you identity as having sex with (Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Asexual). Sexual Acts may occur outside of this orientation and the Sexuality remains
Sexual Identity: How you have sex (ex: Kinky, Vanilla, Furry, etc)
What is the difference between a “Transexual”, a “Transgender Person” and a “Transvestite”?
Transgender is an umbrella term, and much like the word “queer” it covers many different groups of people. A transgender person is someone whose gender identity does NOT match the biological sex they were assigned at birth. Sometimes someone is born and assigned a biological sex (male or female) and when they begin to establish their own personal gender identity they often experience confusion and discomfort because their biological gender does not reflect their personal gender identity. These folks will often identify as “Transgender”.
Transexual people also feel that they are not the gender which they were assigned, but this comes from a neurological condition and often needs to treated with medical intervention, including gender reassignment surgeries and hormone therapy.
A Transvestite is someone who often enjoys dressing in clothing (and they may also behave in mannerisms) traditionally not assigned to their gender. It has nothing to do with sexuality or sexual orientation, it is an identity that anyone can take one and participate in.
What is Trans vs Cis Gendered?
A transgender person is someone whose gender identity does NOT match the biological sex they were assigned at birth. A cisgender person is someone who DOES identify with their biologically assigned gender identity. Sometimes someone is born and assigned a biological sex (male or female) and when they begin to establish their own personal gender identity they often experience confusion and discomfort because their biological gender does not reflect their personal gender identity. Many transgender folks will legally change their names, their legal gender, or the biological sex assigned on their birth certificates; some will not. Remember there are many cisgender people who chose to change their names too. Some transgender folks will pursue surgery to alter their physical identity, some will not. Additionally there are many cisgender people who choose to alter their physical appearance with surgery. Everyone approaches their own gender identity and presentation differently and very rarely are two people’s experience the same.
How do I know if I’m queer/gay/straight?
“Gay”, “Queer”, “Straight”: these are all orientations. Only you can decide what orientation you identify with.
Remember, a sexual act does not an orientation make! A sexual orientation and identity is something you have to take on yourself, it can’t be branded onto you by simply participating in a sexual experience. For example, someone may eat brocolli and not identify as a vegetarian. Equally a man could participate in anal sex and not identify as a homsexual. Remember your sexual desires may differ from your sexaul orientation or identity, and that is okay.
Have confidence in your desires and avoid social pressures that try and fit complicated concepts into neat little boxes. Feel confident in what you want and feel free to explore and change your mind.
STIs & Barriers
What is an “STD” or “STI”?
STD stands for Sexually Transmitted disease. Medically, infections are only called diseases when they cause symptoms. That is why STDs are more often referred to as "sexually transmitted infections" (STIs). But it’s very common for people to still use the terms “STD" or even “VD” (Venereal disease) even when there are no signs of disease.
Sexually transmitted diseases are caused by infections that are passed from one person to another during sexual contact. These infections often do not cause any symptoms even if they are causing damage.
Am I going to get a Sexually Transmitted Disease or Infection?
Some people worry there is some magic number of times that a person has to have to be infected by an STI, THIS IS NOT TRUE. STIs are infections and they must be present in one person for the infection to be contagious.
The only way you can get an STI is to contract the STI from an infected person. Many STIs are transmitted through bodily fluids and some STIs are parasites that are transferred through direct contact.
For example. Image two people get tested and find they are free from many STIs. They then lose their virginity to eachother. Because neither of them have any STIs present in their systems there is NO WAY for them to infect each other unless they have sexual contact with someone else. These two do not need to reduce their risk of STI contraction because there are no STIs present to be contracted, their risk is already zero.
There are many kinds of sexually transmitted diseases and infections. And they are very common — more than half of all of us will get one at some time in our lives. The good news is we can protect ourselves and each other from STD/Is by using risk reduction methods.
What is HIV/AIDS?
HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is the infection that causes AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). HIV has few or no symptoms for up to 10 years or more before symptoms of AIDS develop. Currently there is no cure for HIV/AIDS, but treatment is available. HIV can be spread during sex play. Latex and female condoms offer very good protection against HIV.
How is HIV transmitted?
Enter the Answer to Question here. Be thoughtful with your answer, write clearly, and consider adding examples. This can help your visitors get the help they need quickly and easily.
What is a Male Condom?
A condom is a barrier intended to cover and protect a shaft and collect ejaculate. It is intended to protect against pregnancy and STIs.
I prefer to call them “External Condoms” because not all Males have penisis and not all condoms are used on Males or even penisis.
What is a Female Condom?
The Female Condom has just been updated, it is now called the “FC2”. It is intended to protect against pregnancy and STIs. It is an insertable barrier pouch with flexible rings at each end designed to have the closed ring inserted into an orifice (a vagina or anus) with the open ring covering the exterior and allowing protected entry to the orifice. FC2s not only protect the area it covers but also collect any ejaculate in the pouch. I prefer to call them “Internal Condoms” because not all Females have vaginas and not all condoms are used on females or even in vaginas.
What is a Dental Dam?
Dental dams are the barrier to help reduce our risks of infections during cunnilingus (oral sex involving the vulva) or analingus (oral sex involving the anus). Some people have the idea that oral sex with someone with a vulva does not pose STI risks. Anyone wishing to avoid the oral transmission of STIs like herpes, gonorrhea, HPV, syphilis, chlamydia, and intestinal parasites should use a barrier. Like condoms, dams come in both latex and non-latex. Like condoms, they also are available with or without flavoring, if you have preferences in this regard.
How do I put on a Condom?
How to Open A Condom:
1. You need to use a new condom every time you have sexual intercourse. Never use the same condom twice.
2. Don't “Double Bag” condoms! Use one condom per shaft!
3. Check the Packaging: Make sure the packet and condom appear to be in good condition, and check that the expiration date has not passed.
4. Only put on a condom once there is a partial or full erection.
5. Open the condom packet at one corner being careful not to tear the condom with your fingernails, your teeth, or by being too rough.
How to Put on a Condom:
1. Place the rolled condom over the tip of the hard penis, whilst GENTLY pinching the tip of the condom enough to leave a half inch space for semen to collect. (Note: If the penis is not circumcised, pull back the foreskin before rolling on the condom.)
2. Roll the condom all the way down to the base of the penis, and smooth out any air bubbles. (Air bubbles can cause a condom to break.)
3. If you want to use some extra lubrication, put it on the outside of the condom.
How to Remove a Condom:
1. Stop activities immediately after ejaculation. Before withdrawing, grasp the bottom of the condom with your hand. Withdraw while holding the penis.
2. To remove the condom from the penis, gently pull the tip of the condom while still holding the base. Remove the condom from the penis by carefully rolling it back from the base.
3. Be sure to face away from your partner. You don’t want to fling any of the contents because: 1. That is Rude and 2. Semen, even if it on the body externally, can still infect or impregnate if it touches a vulva
4. A handy trick it to tie the condom in a knot before placing it in the trash
How do I use a Female Condom?
How to Open A Condom:
1. You need to use a new condom every time you have sexual intercourse. Never use the same condom twice.
2. Don't “Double Bag” condoms! Use one condom per orifice!
3. Check the Packaging: Make sure the packet and condom appear to be in good condition, and check that the expiration date has not passed.
4. Only insert a condom when aroused with natural lubrication or with sufficient additional lubrication.
5. Open the condom packet at one corner (or the opening tab - if present) being careful not to tear the condom with your fingernails, your teeth, or by being too rough.
How to Put on a Condom:
1. Squeeze together the sides of the inner ring at the closed end of the condom and insert it into the vagina (or anus) like a tampon.
2. Push the inner ring into the orifice as far as it can go (In a vagina you can push until it reaches the cervix.)
3. Pull out your finger and let the outer ring hang about an inch outside the orifice. (A tip to keep the barrier snug to your body is to use additional barrier-safe lubricant to stick the barrier to your skin.)
4. Stop intercourse if the penis slips between the condom and the walls of the vagina or if the outer ring is pushed into the vagina. If your partner has ejaculated outside the female condom into your vagina, you may want to consider using emergency contraception
How to Remove a Condom:
1. Stop activities immediately after ejaculation. Before withdrawing, grasp the exterior ring and hold it flush to your body. You can now remove any shafts.
2. To remove the condom from the orifice, gently pull the exterior ring and barrier materials until the interior ring is free of the orifice. Be careful not to tear the condom.
3. Be sure to be standing and facing away from your partner. You don’t want to fling any of the contents because: 1. That is Rude and 2. Semen, even if it on the body externally, can still infect or impregnate if it touches a vulva. And vaginal fluids can still infect if STIs are present in them.
4. A handy trick it to tie the condom in a knot before placing it in the trash
Note: FC2s may be a bit non-intuitive when you first try them, so practice alone before you need to use one in a risk-reduction situation.
How do I use a Dental Dam?
How to Open A Dental Dam:
1. You need to use a new dental dam every time you have sexual intercourse. Never use the same dental dam twice (that means if you are switching covered areas you need to switch dams).
2. Don't “Double Bag” Dams! Use one dental dam at a time! For example, if you are using one dental dam for cunnilingus and you will need a new dental dam if you plan on shifting to analingus.
3. Check the Packaging: Make sure the packet and dental dam appear to be in good condition, and check that the expiration date has not passed.
5. Open the packet at one corner (or the opening tab - if present) being careful not to tear the barrier with your fingernails, your teeth, or by being too rough.
6. Take out the folded square and open it up (it's like the littlest bedsheet on earth) continuing to be careful not to tear the barrier with your fingernails or by being too rough.
How to Use a Dental Dam
1. Just place the unfolded dental dam over the area (vagina or anus).
2. You may want to place some additional barrier-safe lube on the area before putting it on (Lube can be helpful to keep the barrier snug to your body. Use lubricant to stick the barrier to your skin during sexual activity.)
3. Hold the Dam in place with hands during sexual activity. (That may sound like a stumper, until you think about how often you're usually also using your hands anyway with cunnilingus or analingus)
4. Make sure the same side of the dam that's been against the body stays on that side. (Tip: use a permanent marker to put an irreversible word/letter on the corner of one side if you're worried about forgetting which side is which.)
5. When you're done using it, throw it away (in the trash not flushed down the toilet)
How effective are condoms?
When used correctly and consistently latex condoms prevent pregnancy about 98 percent of the time. The typical effectiveness rate where mistakes are made or condoms break is about 82 percent. According to Planned Parenthood’s statistics, for every 100 couples that have sexual intercourse when only using a condom as a risk-reduction measure 15-24 of them will result in pregnancy
How effective are Female Condoms?
If women always use the female condom correctly, 5 out of 100 will become pregnant each year. If women don't always use the female condom correctly, 21 out of 100 will become pregnant each year. Effectiveness is also a concern when it comes to safer sex. The female condom also reduces the risk of many sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.
How Effective are Dental Dams?
Correctly using Dental Dams and other barriers (like external and internal condoms ), every time, can reduce -though not eliminate- the risk of STIs. Currently, there are few statistics available for the effectiveness of dental dams. Specifically, a dental dam can help reduce the risk of transmitting herpes, genital warts (HPV), and HIV.
Can I make my own Dental Dam?
Sure! An easy and cheap method is using plastic wrap! It is inexpensive, easy to find, odorless, and tasteless, and can be purchased without even a hint of embarrassment. I do not suggest using microwavable plastic wrap because, most microwave-safe wraps have some level of porousness which will decrease the safety of the barrier.
You can make a Dental Dam with a condom.
How to Open A Condom:
1. You need to use a new condom every time you have sexual intercourse. Never use the same condom twice.
2. Check the Packaging: Make sure the packet and condom appear to be in good condition, and check that the expiration date has not passed.
3. Open the condom packet at one corner being careful not to tear the condom with your fingernails, your teeth, or by being too rough.
How to Make a Dental Dam with a Condom:
1. Carefully unroll the condom (being careful not to tear the condom with your fingernails or by being too rough)
2. Cut the tip off the condom’s head
3. Cut off the bottom ring of the condom. You now have a tube.
4. Insert your scissors straight into the tube and cut the tub open into a sheet. You now have a dental dam!
Why does it itch when I use condoms?
Does it irritate your skin when you use all condoms or just latex condoms? Even if your hands don't get irritated using latex gloves you may find that your genitals are irritated by latex condoms. That is because the skin on your genitals is more like the skin inside your mouth, they are both “mucous membranes”. The skin on mucous membranes is more porous and sensitive and more prone to irritation.
Many folks are allergic to latex and some people are just irritated by the touch or smell of latex. So try a condom made with Polyurethane or Polyisoprene. Avoid Lamb Skin condoms. Because there are made from the intestinal membrane of a lamb they are often very expensive. Lamb Skin is also not effective against preventing STIs!
Where do I store my condoms?
Although it can be tempting to store condoms in your wallet or purse, these places are NOT the safest condom storage options. Condoms need to be stored in a container out of direct sunlight, away from moisture and extreme temperatures. There are many fun and fancy options (but when in doubt a DVD case or Sunglasses case, it works great to store 2-5 Condoms). Just make sure your condom storage works for your lifestyle .Do you need it to be Mobile? Discreet? Accessible? Just find what works best for you.
How do I get my partner to use a condom?
Sometimes it can feel awkward to discuss contraception with a partner. However, if someone if ready to take on the responsibility of sex they must consider what level of risk they are taking on and how to reduce risk. It is important to discuss risk-reduction options BEFORE a sexual act. Remember: Practice makes perfect! Think about different way to approach the subject? Consider what you are going to do if your partner is hesitant to use condoms? How can you assert yourself? One way to do this is to get condoms with the person(s) you are planning on using them with.If you need some extra help check out some “Condom Comebacks”: http://www.getsomecondoms.com/condoms/condom-comebacks/
I don't like condoms, do I have to use them?
Remember there are any different types of contraception and barriers available and condoms may not be right for you. It is important to figure out your level of acceptable risk related to pregnancy and STI-contraction and be sure to reduce the risk levels until they are acceptable to all parties involved. This may involve using condoms.
So figure out what works for you. There are many condom brands, shapes, sizes, styles, and materials available on the market so do some homework and find what works best for you.
Can I use flavored condoms during vaginal sex?
Some condoms are “NOVELTY” condoms that will not protect against STIs and Pregnancy. Some flavored condoms have sugar-based lubricant and are not intended for vaginal intercourse (These will often say “Oral Sex Only” on the packaging). Sugar based-lubricant will often cause yeast infections.
How do I pick a form of contraception? Are there ways to prevent pregnancy without using a condom?
Picking a form of contraception (or pregnancy reduction) is a very personal decision. There are many factors to consider, including:
1. Your Lifestyle (How many partners you are sleeping with? Are you wanting/able to be a parent right now? etc)
2. Your habits (ex: Can you remember to take a daily pill?)
3. Expenses (What can you afford?)
4. Your health history (Do hormones negative affect you? Are you allergic to latex? etc)
5. Your acceptable level of risk and the potential consequences
If you need help figuring out what form of contraception is right for your life right now than check out Planned Parenthood’s “My Method” (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/all-access/my-method-26542.htm) or their “My Brith Control” Ap (https://www.mybirthcontrolapp.org/)
Where do I buy condoms?
Most condom companies offer single condoms as well as packs. You can often get free condoms from your school, local health provider, or Planned Parenthood. Or you can get affordable condoms at Drug Stores (like CVS or Walgreen’s), Grocery Stores, sex shops, or even Target. Just look in the “Family Planning” section or aisle. Note: Internal condoms can be more challenge to find for purchase than external condoms
Where do I Buy Dental Dams?
Dental dams cost about $1.25 each. They can be purchased individually or in multiples. Dental dams also come in a variety of colors and flavors. You can often get free dental dams from your school, local health provider, or Planned Parenthood. Or you can get affordable dental dams at Drug Stores (like CVS or Walgreen’s), Grocery Stores, sex shops, or even Target. Just look in the “Family Planning” section or aisle.
Why are the size of American condoms bigger than the size of condoms manufactured in other countries?
The short answer is: Marketing. For a long time larger condoms have sold better in American markets. Most condoms manufacturers will create the condoms that sell best in their Country’s market. Some countries have a population where most men are uncircumcised, so you will find that condoms intended for uncircumcised penises (like dome-shaped condoms) are the most proliferant because they are the most popular with purchasers. There is no connection between race or what country you are born in and the size of your penis. NONE! No matter what myths may say.
Do I Need Lube?
Many folks find they have different lubrication needs in different stages of their life, and that without proper lubrication, pleasurable sensations may be replaced by discomfort and irritation. While the vagina and the penis both produce natural lubrication with sexual stimulation, this can vary from person to person. The anus is an example of an orifice that is not self-lubricating, therefore any form of anal play will require the use of lubrication. Personal lubrication can also be affected by many factors including age, stress, pregnancy, or even medication.
Are “Novelty” Lubricants safe?
Lube is very helpful, but it is not currently covered under FDA regulation. There are some lubes where the company has gone out of their way to get a lube FDA certified, however no lube company is required to get FDA approval to sell their lube to you. Why? Because lubricants live in the legal grey area of “novelties”. So there is one more category of lube you may come across:
Numbing: Avoid lubricants that claim to numb or contain numbing ingredients like Lidocaine. You may think that numbing will help in the process however what it really does is make you more likely to hurt yourself, but you don’t realize it until the next day (when you are walking like you lost your sea-legs).
Flavored: Flavored lubricants are intended for use during oral sex and therefore they may contain sugars. Sugars can feed yeast and can lead to yeast infections (and both vagina and penis havers can get yeast infections). If you are prone to irritation or yeast infections try and seek out flavored options that don’t contain “sucrose”.
Tingling: These lubricants are intended to stimulate the skin, however they may irritate depending on your sensitivity. Often the main ingredient is “menthol” which many people find irritating to their skin. “Peppermint” can be a more subtle ingredient and it also adds a pleasant smell and flavor along with a tingle.
Warming: Most warming lubricants contain the active ingredients “PEG-4” and “PEG-8”. What is a PEG? PEG is the abbreviation of polyethylene glycol, which is a mixture of polymers that have been blended together. PEGs will often be followed by a number and that number indicates the molecular weight. The lower the number the easier it is for the compound to penetrate the skin. So PEG-4 and PEG-8 will absorb very efficiently into skin, and for some people this causes a burning not a warming sensation. Natural ingredients like “cinnamon” (often “Cinnamomum” on ingredient labels) can create a warming sensation without irritating sensitive skin.
What Kind of Lube can I use?
It depends on what activity you are participating in with what objects. Most silicone toy products are not intended to be compatible with silicone lube of any kind, but it is body-safe and can be used with non-silicone toys. Oil-based lubricants and massage oils are not latex compatible and will negatively affect the structural integrity of any latex barriers. When in doubt, use a water-based lube.
What is the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
A vibrator is just a sex toy that includes a vibrating motor. Some are shaped like penises some are not. Vibratos can be designed to be used internally, externally, or they may be designed to provide dual stimulation to internal and external simultaneously. A dildo is a sex toy that does NOT include a vibrating motor. Some are shaped like penises some are not. A dildo is designed to be used internally. Basically vibrators vibrate while dildos don’t.
What are the different types of sex toys?
There many be a lot of toys out there but sex toys can be broken down into three basic style categories:
1. Toys intended to be used internally (Like dildos)
2. Toys intended to be used externally (Like Cock Rings)
3. Toys intended to be used an accessory to sex (Like Restraints)
What is the Best sex toy?
Sex Toys are a fun way to add please and reduce risk in your sex life. But picking a Sex Toy can be overwhelming. There are so many different kinds of toys from so many different companies and they all claim to be “The Best!” Remember, there are few things are personal as pleasure so it may be difficult to find the perfect toy right away. You may also need different toys for different activities. So let’s explore the different types of sex toys. When you are going to buy a toy there are some important things to consider:
1. Who is going to use this sex toy?
2. What Type and Style of Sex Toy do you want to buy?
3. What material do you want the toy made of?
4. What features do you want the toy to have?
5. What is your budget?
Are there any toys for boys out there?
SURE! First off the anus the equal-opportunity-orifice and there are many anal toys designed specifically with prostate stimulation in mind. Also there are “Pocket Pussies” I prefer to call them “Strokers” because not all style imitate female anatomy. A stoker is a male masturbation toy. Some are closed at one end and will collect ejaculate. Others are open at both ends and can be used during partner play. Some have hard shells and others do not. There is even a wide variety of novelty strokers like blow up dolls. Additonally there are Cock Rings. A cock ring is a ring that can be placed around a penis , it can be worn around just the penis or both the penis and scrotum, or just the scrotum alone. Cock rings are used for Turgidity (swelling due to being filled with fluid, in this case blood). The Cavernous Artery brings blood into the Penis and the Dorsal Vein allows blood to leave. Cock rings cut off the Dorsal Vein leaving the Penis Turgid. This is why it is best to have a 20-minute-on-the-body-then-20-minute-off-the-body Policy (This policy suggest you keep the Cock Ring on the penis for 20 minutes or less followed by a period of 20 minutes or more with the Cock Ring off of the penis). Some cock rings have vibrators on them. This vibration will transfer into the shaft turning the wearer into a human sex toy! There are also decorative cock rings intended less for turgidity and more for aesthetics or for lifestyle-play.
Can a toy get stuck in my butt?
YES! The anus is a vacuum. Yes a vacuum, which means TOYS CAN GET STUCK IN YOUR BUTT! Be sure that your toy is made of a material that is easy to keep clean (for example, medical-grade or food-grade silicone) and won’t collect bacteria. The shape of anal toys is very important as well, anal toys need to be a simple shape with no creases to collect bacteria and MOST IMPORTANTLY the toy must have a hilt. Much like the hilt of a sword keeps it from falling into its scabbard the hilt of a butt toy (be it a plug, anal beads, a dildo, or a vibrator) keeps it from being slurped into your bootay.
You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last person who has to walk into the ER with something stuck in their butt, but there are better ways to spend a Saturday night!
How do I clean my toy?
In general, follow the cleaning instructions provided with your product from the manufacturer. Remember, your hands collect more bacteria than any other part of your body. Toys should be cleaned BEFORE, BETWEEN, and AFTER each use Use an Antibacterial Soap with no fragrance and warm water. Make a solution in a cup or basin. Avoid squirting soap directly on a product. Rinse well with warm water and let product air dry to reduce fuzz and garms. Protect non-waterproof battery casing from moisture when cleaning. AVOID using dish soap, detergent, harsh chemicals or alcohols. High grade silicone dildos (with no internal motor) may be sterilized in boiling water for three minutes or less.
Can I throw my used toy in the garbage?
Technically once a toy has been used it is considered “bio-hazard”. Currently you can send your toy to a commercial recycling center specializing in sex toys like SexToyrecycling.com. Or use sources like Earth911.com to see where to recycle specific products like “Adult Toys”.
Is there any good porn out there? Porn that participates in ethical practices?
“Good” Porn is in the eye of the beholder. One personas “Yuck!” may be another person's “Yum!” Porn is, like all other film, fantasy not reality. Just because a Porn scene may use violent imagery or rude language does not mean that the participants were not willing. If you are concerned about the ethics involved in porn remember that the official porn production companies are regulated by the state in which they produce their films. All states in the US require that actors participating in Porn productions be over the age of consent. Home-made porn that is uploaded to the internet is not regulated.
If ethics are a big concern for you it is often helpful to follow Porn Stars that you like and check out their online websites and maybe even read on opinion article they posted. If you agree with that star’s ethics then you may find that the Porn they star in is more catered to your liking.
A common mistake is straight women will purchase porn that is intended for a straight male audience and they will find that the film does not turn them on. Keep in mind who the intended audience is, often times if you don’t like a porn you were never the intended audience in the first place.
Do some exploration and find what works for you. If you like Romantic Comedies but you wish there was more fucking in them then check out the New Sensations Romance Porn series. If you are looking for realistic queer porn check out the Crash Pad series. Remember there is no wrong answer, watching porn is just another way of engaging in sexual fantasy.
How does pregnancy happen? What are the Myths?
Women can get pregnant in a variety of ways. However the basics are: Pregnancy can only occur when semen can fertilize an egg, and the egg can grow in the uterus.
One common way pregnancy occurs is through unprotected vaginal intercourse, during which sperm is ejaculated into the vagina. The sperm can then travel up through the cervix, into the uterus, and, if an egg is present, the sperm may fertilize it. The egg will then attach to the uterine wall and begin to develop into a fetus.
It is also possible — but less likely — for women to become pregnant through any kind of sex play in which semen, or ejaculate, comes in contact with the vulva (external part of the vagina). The sperm then enter the vagina and are able to fertilize an egg.
There are MANY myths related to pregnancy! It is not possible to get pregnant through deep kissing, or by swallowing ejaculate during oral sex, or by sharing a hot tub with someone. Additionally you CAN get pregnant the first time you have sex! Just remember if sperm can reach an egg, then fertilization is possible.
What are my options if I am pregnant? If I have gotten someone pregnant?
After getting a positive urine test you need to confirm the results. Note: Taking more than one pregnancy test does not CONFIRM you are pregnant. It is important to have the results confirmed by a doctor. Most doctors recommend that you wait until the first day of your missed period before taking a urine pregnancy test (usually about two weeks after conception). Due to recent research, it is now believed that blood tests are more accurate than urine tests when it comes to accurately determining pregnancy. Additionally the doctor can tell you how far along your pregnancy is and help you start scheduling the medical care you will require. Even if you are terminating a pregnancy you need to see a doctor.
This is a loaded subjects. We are not here to discuss morality just facts. You have three options:
1. Abortion
2. Adoption
3. Parenting
Both Adoption and Parenting mean you will complete your pregnancy to full-term and give birth. This means you will require pre- and post-natal care, which can be costly and physically difficult. Most people find it helpful to talk through their decision with someone they can trust and lean on for support, like a parent or guardian but only you can decide what choice is right for you. It is important to consider all of your options and what resources you have available. But remember, some options (including certain types of pregnancy terminations) are only available at certain stages of pregnancy.
If a pregnancy is brought to term a father can claim parentage on the birth certificate or via paternity test. Once a person is legally established as the father of a child they will have all the rights and responsibilities of a parent. “If a person is established as a legal parent of a child, that person MUST financially support the child. It is a crime for a legal parent to fail to support his or her child. A legal parent also has the right to get custody or visitation rights related to the child” (Courts.ca.gov). In 1973 The US Supreme Court ruled on Roe v. Wade which concluded that the “Right to Privacy” extended to a woman's decision to have an abortion This means that the legal decision to complete or terminate a pregnancy in the mother's.
What are the different Types of Abortion?
There are different types of Abortions. The type is often decided by what stage in your pregnancy you are getting an abortion. The two main categories are:
1. Pill Abortions
2. In-Clinic Abortion
Pill Abortions: An “Abortion Pill” is the popular name for Mifepristone and Misoprostol. More than 60% of abortions are done this way. In general, it's used up to 63 days (9 weeks) after the first day of a woman's last period. Your healthcare provider will give you Mifepristone at the clinic. You will take a second medicine Misoprostol, it causes the uterus to empty (this includes cramps and bleeding). You will also be given some antibiotics.
There is some confusion regarding Emergency Contraception (also known as “Plan B”) and the “Abortion Pill”. “Plan B” does not cause an abortion, emergency Contraceptive pills release the same hormones made by a woman's body (progesterone) in a dose which keeps a woman's ovaries from releasing eggs. Most types of Emergency Contraception must be taken within 72 hours of sexual contact. Which means that if a pregnancy test is positive “Plan B” will not terminate the pregnancy.
In-Clinic Abortion: After 9 weeks of pregnancy the “Abortion Pill” is no longer an abortion option, you must turn to in-clinic abortions.
1. Aspiration (Vacuum Aspiration): The most common is called aspiration. Aspiration is usually used up to 16 weeks after a woman’s last period. A tube is inserted vaginally through the cervix into the uterus. The contents of the uterus are then removed.
2. Dilation and Suction Curettage (D&C): The cervix is stretched with a series of dilators or medications. The contents of the uterus are then removed with a tube attached to a suction machine, and walls of the uterus are cleaned using a narrow loop called a curette. D&C is usually performed up to 13 weeks after a woman's last period.
3. Dilation and Evacuation (D&E): The procedures are similar to those used in a D&C, but a larger suction tube must be used because more material must be removed. D&E is usually performed later than 16 weeks after a woman's last period.
What is “Plan B”?
“Plan B” is the colloquial term for emergency oral contraception. Emergency Contraceptive pills release the same hormones made by a woman's body (progesterone) in a dose which keeps a woman's ovaries from releasing eggs. Most types of Emergency Contraception must be taken within 72 hours of sexual contact.
More Coming!
Our FAQ is constantly being updated and extended.
Anatomy
What are the different kinds of lube?
There are 2 basic types of barrier-safe lubricants: 1. Water-based and 2. Silicone Based.
Water-based lubricants are the most common type of lubricant and are, therefore, the most recognizable for most folks. The more lubricant you use the wetter it feels. Water-based lubricants are compatible with latex and all toy materials, so they are wonderful for solo or partnered play. If the lubricant becomes sticky you can reanimate it with a little saliva or water. With friction, water-based lubricants will eventually absorb into the skin, so many folks find cleanup to be a breeze.
Silicone-based lubricants have a slick feel and some very interesting properties. First off, silicone is inert so it doesn’t interact with your body’s chemistry, making it a wonderful choice for folks with sensitive skin or allergies. Silicone-based lubricants are long-lasting and never get sticky or tacky, and because your body does not absorb it, a little bit will go a long way. Silicone lube is not compatible with silicone toy products of any kind, but it can be used with non-silicone toys. Silicone-based lubes can be a little tricky to clean up - soap and water is often required - but this makes them great for any kind of water-play; whether in the shower, hot tub, or even the ocean.
Hybrid lubricants are water-based lubricants, but contain an element of silicone (specifically Dimethicone). The texture of these lubes is intended to mimic the natural lubrication of the human body. Hybrid lubricants provide the convenience of water-based lubricant with the non-stickiness of silicone-based lubricants. However, it is still suggested that Hybrid lubricants not be used with silicone toys because it can affect the finish of the toy.
Oil-based lubricants and massage oils are often a go-to option for folks who lean toward organic options, however Oil-based lubricants and massage oils are not latex compatible and will negatively affect the structural integrity of any latex barriers. Therefore, AVOID using oils with latex (this includes coconut oil).
Sex Toys & Accessories
How do I know my bra size?
Figuring out a person’s bra size is not intuitive, so don’t feel foolish if you don’t know it. Another thing to keep in mind is that different bras will fit different bodies in different ways. The brand, style, and fabric can all affect fit, so a bra size is more of a starting off point then a steadfast number.
1. Band Measurement: With tape on back at bra level; bring under arms and around front, just above bust. This is the band size. If it’s an odd number, round up or down depending on how tight or loose they prefer to wear their bras.
2. Bust Measurement: Wrap tape level around the fullest part of the bust. Leave about a half inch between the tape and the bust. This is the bust measurement.
3. Cup Size: Subtract band measurement from bust measurement. [0 = AA, 1 = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, etc]
Pregnancy & Options
How Do I Know If I am pregnant?
You can purchase a home-pregnancy tests (urine-tests) to take at home or have a blood-test done by a doctor. Pregnancy tests are designed to tell if your urine or blood contains a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG).
If potential pregnancy is a constant concern for you then make sure you reduce your risk by using contraceptives. If you do use contraceptives but you are prone to pregnancy anxiety then get some home pregnancy tests. All brands are basically the same (they all test for hCG) and they are often available at dollar stores so buy a dozen and use then any time you feel anxious.
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